Civil Guests
Silence, Trauma, Addiction, and Nessa Tips!
Dear Ones,
Hurt people hurt people.
I know something deep in my bones. I think it must be where intuition and unconditional love live. Maybe my bones are sensing the wisdom of my heart. The wisdom of my life experiences. My heart knows what my bones know. Maybe my rebellious hands know too which is why I do what I do.
Maybe the knowing is me. Maybe it is me finally listening to my fragmented body which is also part of me. As a trauma response, I silenced her so much that she started attacking herself (definition of autoimmune disease of which I have collected a few- the self-abandonment trauma condition).
Imagine if we think of sickness as the body’s rebellion. Rather than fight with it even more (this is the mindset of “treatment” now), we work to understand all messages even the dark, hard ones. Imagine if we approach the whole thing differently. Aren’t you tired of fighting all the time?
Where did I learn to be such an expert silencer of myself? Here I am thinking I was only loud and opinionated! We contain such bipolarities.
It takes a lot of energy to rekindle our hearts in precarious times, doesn’t it? I feel so emotionally drained despite all my restorative, self-care efforts. Go easy on yourselves. It is hard to be human right now. It is hard to feel pain through the darkness of our coagulated and fearful heart muscles.
We drown in bloody violence abroad in my neck of the woods. We drown in non-bloody violence of silencing systems both here and abroad. I see loud tyranny in my motherland (Iran). I see silent (and loud) tyranny in my stepmotherland (United States). I see tyranny hiding behind a thousand different masks. I see tyranny threatening our brain health, public health, and environmental health.
Some societal systems around the world are designed to help people and not harm them. These are often found in Blue Zones of the world where people live the longest, happiest, and healthiest lives. There will be much more on longevity, a favorite topic of mine, later!
Peace and harmony for all is a radical goal right now. Yet, somehow harmony manifests in my garden. The natural world offers sacred moments and wise insight. It hosts a healthy silence. It is a breeding ground for fostering mindfulness. It is under perfect conditions that the alchemy of healing becomes accessible to all. My mission is not to convince you of anything. I hope the ready ones come marinate in the benefits of mindfulness with me.
I need a break from the violent front lines of hospital service, my dears. I need a break from the hustle and noise of this American life. It is time to walk away from the silencing spaces that I grew to endure. I am looking for a different kind of silence now. I am, after all, a child of the revolution. My cells rise to the challenge. Born to confront.
There is a line between surrender and passivity. What do we do in the face of vast silencing? The perpetrators play deaf. Do we shout even louder? Do we shift attention? Course correct?
Silencing is a public health epidemic:
The Islamic Republic silences people in Iran
U.S. Healthcare systems silence patients and healthcare workers
Politicians silence constituents
Norms of society silence people who try to be unique and imperfect
War mongerers in the Middle east silence the cries of the world
Humans silence the tears of our planet earth (*we try to*)
Did you know that non-human animals do not suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder? They experience stress but have better ways to manage it than so-called intelligent humans.
In his book “Waking the Tiger,” Peter Levine, a trauma expert, wrote that once out of danger, animals shiver, shake, and release trauma from their bodies. They successfully let go and move on.
It begs the question, why on earth don’t we get in on this seemingly free and simple healing act? There goes our brain getting in the way again.
Instead of shaking out trauma, we hoard traumatic memories deep in our psyche. Tissues of our bodies become sort of like nonconsensual inflamed storage units (causing, you guessed it, disease). My body- maestro hoarder.
Mindfulness practice is the ultimate biohack wizardry as it is based on neuroscience. Our old sages and prophets were neuroscientists, I am convinced. Mindfulness helps my brain make contact with my body. It helps reduce my mind chatter to finally give my body a voice.
Here are some ways we can shake off our trauma. You can have a shake-off dance party with your kids and parents after dinner!
Imagine you are at a dinner party at a guest house. All humans and nonhuman beings are guests at a very large and ornate dinner table. It is the largest party you have ever been to. You see a bit of everything. There are people fighting, cheering, sleeping, eating, vandalizing, stealing, cheating, hugging, and kissing. There are rowdy ones and quiet ones. There is oppression, love, tyranny, injustice, triumph, bloodshed, community, suffering, peace, and so on.
Now imagine that the host of this grand fiesta is our Planet Earth. We are only passing through. I want to be a courteous and respectful guest at the dinner party, don’t you? We Persians love dinner parties and are taught to be well-mannered guests. What legacy should we leave behind?
By cultivating higher levels of consciousness, creativity, imagination, and critical thinking, we can envision a brighter, more peaceful future. I don’t know, my dear readers, it may be worth a try.
Habits and Addictions
Habits are behaviors that are learned and repeated over time. They become automatic and unconscious, and they can be hard to break.
The most common definition of addiction looks something like a relapsing disorder characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use despite harmful consequences. We all know there are many types of addictions, not just substances.
Why are we so cruel to those who succumb to addiction (a form of mental illness)? Who taught us that story to be so cruel?
Do people know addiction is a brain disease and a mental illness that is not based on willpower? Who taught us that story of how we treat one another?
I rummage through my human laboratories of life files in search of answers to these honest questions. There I observe how addiction is so normalized that our individual and collective unhealthy habits are not readily viewed as a societal sickness. They are considered “normal.” This approach essentially silences our disease of addiction. No wonder we are struggling hard to heal. There are so many opposing forces!
Types of addictions (often precede substance addiction):
Behavioral addictions: othering (this habit is in full sail right now), injustice, head in sand, silencing others, denying aging, sickness, and death, numbness, gambling, sex, video games, shopping, exercise, money (many of us)…
Old system/ways addictions: workaholism (most of us), harmful systems, profit centering ways, old mindsets, martyrdom, self-abandonment, savior complex, abusive familiar relationships of all sorts, disassociation, codependency…
Emotional addictions: pleasure, trauma, anger, judgment, control, grief, impulsiveness, perfectionism, pain…
Food addictions: sugar, carbs, junk food, artificial foods, fast food, fresh bread from the streets of Iran, cucumbers and feta…
Technology addictions: social media, texting, screen time (most of us)…
Renowned expert, Dr. Gabor Mate (someone I hope you never tire of), notes that addiction is rooted in a deep sense of emotional and spiritual emptiness, or “hunger,” that can only be temporarily filled through addictive behaviors.
Watch this video to understand how we are like hungry ghosts.
NESSA TIPS
*Nessa Tip* Draw 2 columns on a piece of paper. Title one column what gives you energy and one column what takes away your energy. Then start to observe and take notes of how much time you spend in either column. Observe what happens to your nervous system in different environments.
This observation practice offers me the wisdom of discernment. I learned by watching gorillas!
*Nessa Tip* When surrounded by tempting holiday junk foods, insist on larger volumes of wholesome foods. Have unhealthy food and substances and experiences in moderation. Personally, I usually have to detox after experiencing unhealthy consumption (food or nonfood such as hospital trauma). It takes practice to be mindful, discerning, and savvy life consumers.
Click on this Sprouts tab for our reader community spot! Check it out for more info on flow states and sleep.
You can share inspirations, recommendations, and thoughts in comments here or there or via email. Please know that I will get your permission prior to sharing any tips publicly.
Thank you for the support and shares! Thanks also to Substack for not silencing my voice.
May all beings have peace,
Nessa
Nessa, you write beautifully of the world of nature, bringing me almost to tears. I can no longer dwell outside for too long. I feel deprived, but I waste no time on self-pity. I simply reread your words over and over, trying to memorize parts of what you communicate. I bless each day of my long life. And I bless you equally, if not more.