Spring In My Bones

The Promise Of Wildflowers

Feb 26, 2024

“Let silence be the art you practice.” —Rumi. The beauty of roadside Chile. © Nessa 2017.

Dear Ones,

Hi soul gardeners! Slaves of ceremony. Just when I think there is no more heart to break. I hear my heart crack open even more.

Nothing like a dystopian week in the hospital to remind me of things. Suffering is great. Endings are certain.

There are no words (yet) for what I witnessed this past week at work. I am rendered speechless for once. Talking is so tiring anymore. Listening is a scarcity anyway. Instead, I conserve energy for metabolizing the week.

Unprocessed memories slither in and situate themselves inside the tissues of my body. Hoarders. Masters of hide and seek. Now I understand how overlooked trauma sinks even deeper. Wizards of invisibility.

*NESSA TIP*: If you experience, hear, or witness something difficult, don’t forget to shake out the trauma like an animal in the wild would do. On the same day. I move what comes up for me out of me every day with a variety of simple rituals and tools. My body reached max trauma storage capacity so learning new tools was my way forward.

Nessa in Virunga Mountains of Rwanda observing the Susa group of mountain gorillas. Conservation efforts help with growth to 604 gorillas, up from 480 in 2010. I watch gorillas. I watch people. Monkey see. Monkey do. © 2006 Rwanda.

SOUND BODY AND MIND

Persian New Year is coming at the spring equinox. I scatter sunflower and wildflower seeds. I hope to be silent as I absorb spring this year. If anything is loud it better be my wildflower blooms. They are prepping for quite a show this year. I feel it in my bones.

I am free in silence. In silence, I find peace and peace is freedom.
I am free when free of fear. Control is fear manifest.
I am free when I am nobody but myself. No masks. I tell me to take me as I am.

It is a Catch-22 that one needs to be of sound body and mind to find and maintain sound body and mind. -Me

WAKEFULNESS = AWARENESS = MINDFULNESS = CONSCIOUSNESS

I finally woke up. Metaphorically speaking. The word insomnia takes on new meaning. I make healthier choices. I know how important sleep is to my health so I sleep to stay devoted to wakefulness.

I am blessed with a wilder mind.

I watch melodramatic thoughts float down rivers and rivulets within my brain. Each day, I practice release of thought blockages that cause so much suffering. I give them quite a send-off.

I use my brain to master my brain. Who even is this keen observer of my thoughts?
I use my brain to unveil hidden forces that dull me and dumb me down. No thank you, indulgence. No thank you, distractions.
I use my brain to study how my brain bamboozles me. She is such a trickster. I learn her own tricks (and therefore successfully sidestep myself and the algorithm).

I hug myself back together.

“Beyond the difficulty of communicating oneself, there is the supreme difficulty of being oneself. This soul, or life within us, by no means agrees with the life outside us. If one has the courage to ask her what she thinks, she is always saying the very opposite to what other people say.” -Virginia Woolf

THE POETRY OF SCIENCE

Writing is an act of self-devotion. It may even be holding me together at this point, dear mortals. Until it is my time to go.

I think a poet is somebody who feels and who expresses feelings through words. How does one become a poetic scientist? I heard that was a thing. Sounds like we need it.

This modern world of ours is co-opted by political agendas, lust for power, indulgence, fear, and selfish ambition. We witness deranged humans in power. My heart goes out to disturbed brains. My question to you is who gives them the power anyway? Does the platform of our attention give them power?

2600 years ago, Buddha had a simple formula:

We are at a crossroads, what principles will we pay attention to now? *Vipassana Meditation as taught by S.N. Goenka.*

Climate science is so incredible and complex. I agree we need a spiritual and cultural revolution. Let’s hope some leaders emerge.

I often find myself at the shore where I feel at home. There must be trillions of heartbeats in there. I feel safe with seabirds. Can you believe that this is my backyard? Gratitude. Nessa Ventura February 2024.

EAGLE LESSONS

Eagles have incredibly sharp eyesight up to 8 times better than humans. Some of us recently found our eagle eyes.

For years, I have been eagerly following a devoted eagle couple named Jackie and Shadow via a live webcam courtesy of the Friends of Big Bear Valley (FOBBV).

The eagle nest is located in Big Bear Valley in the San Bernardino Mountains of Southern California. It is 145 feet up in a Jeffrey Pine tree. I am not affiliated with FOBBV whatsoever. My views are not their views. Permission was granted.

Disclaimer: You will fall head over heels in love with this couple. You are welcome. Please consider donating.

FINAL SEASONS OF THE HOSPITAL VERSION OF ME

Someone finally took up my cause. That someone is me. 156 more hospital days left.

In the meantime, get your boots off my face. Oh wait:

Pic credit seen on substack from @vanyabagaev.

“No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life. There may be countless trails and bridges and demigods who would gladly carry you across; but only at the price of pawning and forgoing yourself. There is one path in the world that none can walk but you. Where does it lead? Don’t ask, walk!” -Nietzsche

May All Beings Find Peace.

Thank you for your support. Please slam on the heart below. You could also comment, share, and subscribe.

Nessa

Spring Is Near Week In Photos 2/19/24-2/24/24