The Lost Art Of Human Connection
A National Strategy to Advance Social Connection
Dear Ones,
Hi livers of earthly life. Comrades. Citizens of suffering. February is barrelling through us. Passing into our wild and precious lives.
I am happy you are here. These posts come out of something read, something felt, or something remembered. They may be inspired by a song, an experience (with you maybe), a photograph, a book, or any combination.
What is the point of this human experience anyway, sapiens? Don’t you ever wonder about that? I often think: Is this it? Tell me this isn’t it. Oh, the ennui. I respond to my questions by finding wonder in the little things. In nature. What else can one do?
Are we here to embrace a purpose? Or are we to simply enjoy ourselves (rather destructively) until our grand return to stardust?
We struggle to even be here on the planet. People all around me remain astonishingly averse to being present.
Being present unearths things. Unbelievable, terrifying, life-altering, seismic things. Modern society feels like a big game of hide and seek. We hide our true identity. We seek pleasure. Sticky feedback loop.
DOING vs. BEING
"Doing" mentality is associated with busyness, productivity, and accomplishments. Good thing I have the alphabet soup behind my name (insert sarcasm). This approach can lead to a sense of emptiness if not grounded in a deeper sense of purpose or meaning.
"Being" mentality encourages individuals to prioritize their well-being and personal growth. To cultivate authenticity, self-awareness, and self-acceptance. To find meaning and fulfillment in who we are, rather than in what we do.
Sounds golden to me, dear friends.
Being is freeing. Being and not doing is our natural human state. Imagine inclusive communities focused on who we are, what we stand for, and what we value. Not on what we do, how much we make, or what we look like.
If it is so natural, you may wonder why is it so hard to adopt this paradigm. Possible reasons:
We lack awareness
We are conditioned to do
LOST ART OF HUMAN CONNECTION
Returning to our natural state of being helps society on an individual and collective level. It allows us to be comfortable in our own skin.
In today’s digital world, the act of genuinely connecting with others is a lost human art. Let’s face it, we are nursing cultural wounds and unseen fields of trauma. We have hurt in our roots. Distancing is a defense mechanism. An outdated one.
My observations: reciprocity is often nonexistent and relations seem woefully transactional.
Societal investment in genuine connection seems wise to me. We can build new ways of being. Brick by brick.
The invitation is for mastery of the art of true connection. In May of 2023, United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released a Surgeon General Advisory calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in our country.
*Nessa Tip*: Life can be overstimulating. We are constantly dreaming of another moment to avoid the present moment. Unhealthy breaks consist of addictive/binge choices (phone, tv, food, social distractions). Look instead for healthy and mindful breaks anchoring you to the present moment. Involve nature and social connection. ex. Go for a walk, listen to music/dance, read poetry, get into flow state, garden. Call a friend. Chances are they can use your support.
VULNERABILITY
Take one look around. All around you are humans who feel misunderstood, unseen, and invisible.
Some reasons may be:
Society not accepting vulnerability as a strength leading to our
Inability to authentically connect with self and each other
Vulnerability equals acceptance. Acceptance equals connection. The act of seeing another person completely is profoundly connecting.
When we tell the truth, more opportunities for truth surface.
“Vulnerability is not a weakness, a passing indisposition, or something we can arrange to do without, vulnerability is not a choice, vulnerability is the underlying, ever-present and abiding undercurrent of our natural state. To run from vulnerability is to run from the essence of our nature, the attempt to be invulnerable is the vain attempt to become something we are not and most especially, to close off our understanding of the grief of others.” -David Whyte
WIRED FOR SOCIAL CONNECTION
Humans are neurobiologically wired for social connections. And yet our social networks are shrinking. Our connection with others and our community is influenced by our homes, neighborhoods, digital environments, schools, and workplaces.
Loneliness harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.
Modern advancements allow us to exist without genuinely engaging with others. Technology fosters optimal breeding grounds for loneliness. The use of technology changes our brain structure.
Many humans do not feel adequately supported.
Many humans do not have high-quality, close relationships.
The amazing U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, developed a National Strategy to Advance Social Connection using 6 pillars. It is worth a read.
“Extensive scientific findings from a variety of disciplines, including epidemiology, neuroscience, medicine, psychology, and sociology, converge on the same conclusion: social connection is a significant predictor of longevity and better physical, cognitive, and mental health, while social isolation and loneliness are significant predictors of premature death and poor health.” p. 23 Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community
THE SCIENCE OF FRIENDSHIP
Anyone can be considered a friend. There are no rules. Your father. Your partner. Your niece. Your neighbor. Your coworker. Your classmate. The person who works at the garden store. The postman. And on and on.
We walk around with an innate desire to connect. Our survival depends on it. Check out this Dutch grocery store idea for elders.
Friendship makes us healthier. The capacity for friendship makes us healthier. There are curative properties to authentic connections from improved moods to better cardiovascular health.
The heart cells of a healthy person (or of a healthy society) are composed of the ability to deeply see someone else- an awareness. To help others feel seen, heard, and understood is one of the greatest human skills.
True friendship is built on authenticity, presence, and acceptance. A friend is a well from which to draw support. Friendship permits the comfort and discomfort of truly being seen. It is like a growing life project: describing our realities as candidly and fully as we can to each other. No matter how wild and crazy.
*Nessa Tip* Practicing the art of relating is important. How do you relate to yourself and others? In your mind or on paper, create a map of relationships of all kinds. Map out how you show up in relationships and observe. Think of where you spend your energy. Think of where you want to spend energy. Does it match up?
NOTE: If you or a friend are in need, call 988 for a national suicide and crisis lifeline. Spread the word.
WEEK IN PHOTOS
SWEET DARKNESS by David Whyte
When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.
When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.
It’s time to go into the night
where the dark has eyes
to recognize its own.
It’s time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.
There you
can be sure
you are not beyond love.
The dark will make a home for you tonight.
The night
will give you a horizon
further than you can see.
You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.
Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.
May All Beings Have Peace.
Nessa
Your words feel like nourishment we're all sorely in need of. It's always a joy to slow down and sink into your reflections.
Making social connections provides a web of support that strengthens are coping abilities to deal effectively with life’s challenges.