Scars Of Happiness
Tell Me This Isn't It
Hi Mortals. I am a humanologist. I have been studying the human species intensely for at least a lifetime. I study all over the world. My deep study period is ending soon. I have a lot of data to review, interpret, and process.
I go through photographs and share them with you. My scars of happiness. Truth protectors. Reminders.
Hospitals are windows to the degree of sickness in humanity.
RITUALS
Centering rituals (designed by me for me) maintain my homeostasis- even if just barely. Ongoing toxin exposure (hospital and other) strengthens my mindfulness practice. Perks and pitfalls.
I traverse stale hospital corridors. My body is in full warrior/protect mode. Feral thoughts zigzag corners of the carnage:
What did people think would happen in a world where profit > human life?
If we don’t prioritize showing one another love, dignity, and kindness at the most vulnerable time on earth (when sick and dying in hospitals), then when/where else would we show it? Good question, me. Good question.
Healing is noticing. Noticing is healing. I’m not going to lie to you. In retrospect, life seemed easier when I was not in the present moment- when I was disassociated, asleep, and numb.
When we are not noticing, we are not present. When we are not present, we are not listening. We are not connecting. There are risks and benefits to staying in present moments. Believe you me.
MY PELICAN BRIEFS
I don’t want to live in a world without pelicans. I love these vintage beings. I spend time just under their flight path. With my notebook. Jane Goodall style.
My history is also maritime.
These birds are quite resilient, adaptable, and social creatures. Fossil evidence of these ancient dinosaur birds dates back at least 36 million years! How cool is that?
They are now washing up dead on our local farming community shorelines. Starving to death “despite plenty to eat.” Some of them are found emaciated and confused in human backyards. A similar mysterious event occurred locally in 2022.
Expert comments are ambiguous.
Surely, I am not alone in suspecting chemical poisons from local agriculture runoff.
Throw us a bone, Rachel Carson.
https://www.nwf.org/Magazines/National-Wildlife/2000/How-Rachel-Carson-Helped-Save-The-Brown-Pelican
LAST OF US
I miss answering machine days. Back then, we were not distracted by alternate realities. There were no handheld hypodermic devices pumping molecules of more (dopamine) into our gullible brains. Though there were other toxins, mind you.
It seems humans and pelicans are behaving similarly these days. Distorted thoughts and behaviors. Sick bodies. Malnourished. Dying.
Toxic factors in question are human-manufactured. They can be identified as internal/endogenous or external/exogenous.
Internal- factors that originate or are produced from within an organism (human), tissue, or cell (ex. chemical toxins released by us).
External- factors that originate or are produced outside of an organism (human), tissue, or cell (ex. industry chemicals, sugar, entertainment, viruses, drugs -substances and pharmaceutical, unwholesome “food” etc)
Could the culprit be from one external primary source seeding all downstream contact sites?
Are external chemicals (industrial forever chemicals, environmental microplastics, pesticides, unwholesome food, devices) infecting and disturbing the natural intelligence of our human bodies?
Is there some part of the process that we can actually control such as the part within our own body/brain chemistry?
Yes, yes, yes, and what a relief that some chemicals are not forever.
MICROPLASTIC BRAINS
3M and Dupont’s “forever chemical” PFAS was detected in every waterway and every living being ever tested. It is absolutely everywhere.
I suspect there is residue of forever chemicals and microplastics in all of our human brains and bodies. A tall order for future anatomy labs.
A recent Journal of American Association (JAMA) showed microplastic build up in human coronary arteries. Mainstream medical scientists are just now “studying” it. Better late than never.
“DRUG USER” OR “TAKER” PHYSIOLOGY
The study of humans is essentially the study of addictions. I guess that makes me a human addiction expert. To know addiction one must study and learn brain physiology or human habit energy.
What is physiology:
study of living organisms physical and biochemical processes and how they interact and function with their environment.
seeks to understand how living organisms maintain homeostasis, or a stable internal environment, in order to survive and thrive in different environments.
Parts of the world have drug user/taker physiology and parts of the world do not (societal). Parts of us have it and parts of us do not (individual). This dog eat dog world is learned. Can we unlearn it?
What do I mean by drug user/take physiology? Presumed benefit of exploitation and manipulation of others. This is coupled with widespread normalization of harmful behaviors.
There are societies around the world with different physiologies.
Some societies value cooperation, generosity, and empathy, and encourage behaviors that prioritize the well-being of others, the community, and nature as a whole. (For ex. Japan. Norway).
TELL ME THIS ISN’T IT
At a young age, I suspected that groupthink was a type of social pathology. I limit my participation in it. It is hard to avoid the tentacles of groupthink. I believe what I see.
I recall a pivotal night: I was 18 years old and successfully used my older sister’s ID to get into a bar. Filled with wonder and rebellion, I made my way inside to see what all the fuss was about. I looked around in disbelief and said: Is this a joke? Tell me this isn’t it.
“Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. The entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you.”
―Rumi
MY NEW OFFICE SPACE
The only committee I want to be a part of anymore is the committee of my Irises and Poppies.
See video tribute to my teacher, Dr. Paul Farmer on KevinMD podcast below. My observations of it:
I am glad he asked for my voice. That is supportive and rare in dominant culture.
I respect that I have so many parts to me. One part can be zen. Another part can breathe fire. All parts are for the protection of empathy and social justice.
I feel better on the other side of the camera. It seems more natural, safe, and creative there/here. Thanks for reading and watching!
Slam on the heart to support me. Thank you for your kindnesses.
May All Beings Find Peace.
Nessa (born at 333 ppm)
A Poem by Nessa
QUESTIONS
What if I never wanted to answer another question ever again? What if there are no answers, answer addicts? What if I wanted to be the one asking now?
Could I build a life around that? Must I answer questions in order to pay my bills. Keep a roof over my head. Eat. Exist.
Imagine a life where the only question was: What can I help you with?
I think you might enjoy the book “Good energy : the surprising connection between metabolism and limitless health” by Means, Casey. I’ve just ordered it after watching her two hour interview which discusses everything you talk about and more.
I would like to live in that world, where the only question is What can I help you with? Maybe I'd throw in one more question/prompt: Tell me what life is like for you.
Good to hear you talk about Dr. Paul Farmer. What a gift it must have been to study with him and work alongside him. Thank you for the way you embody those teachings in your own work.